Tired...

Lord,

Can you give me hope?

I’m grieving sober I don’t wanna use the weed to cope

I don’t wanna keep my friends on a need to know 

I tired of this life, here’s what you need to know

I’m just a sad clown hiding pain in a smile 

I ain’t really been happy in a while but I 

Keep thinking 

Fake it til you make

On the other side, the devil can’t take it if ain’t there 

That’s why I’m cold and heartless 

Bold and honest 

Sharp tongue like I don’t know who God is

Soft heart to those closest to me

But I don’t give myself grace for what’s broken in me

I’m harder on myself than I need to be 

Let me see the Jesus people see in me

Cause I see demons coming out my mouth when I’m speaking 

That’s why I hate this life and wanna leave it 

I’m sorry mama, I’m just being honest 

I can hear you in my head saying boy clean out your closet 

But I’m scared to face the skeletons in there 

Is it me, or are we breathing on thin air?

I can’t breathe 

The truth will make you free so I’m doing what I need and it seems like it ain’t working

I’m still broken

I’m still smoking

I’m still hopeless 

I’m still focused on my flaws instead of giving em to God

Like I can save myself 

It’s like I’m telling Jesus to get up off the cross 

Cause you did it wrong 

Dang Derrick “who you think you are” 

I don’t know and that’s the problem 

I deserve the same punishment as sodom

Too focused on my past now I’m stuck looking back feeling salty

Listening to satan tell me don’t nobody want me

Even though God does

I’m tired of this life

​

Everything changed the day I stepped out on my wife

I feel like Drake 

nothings been the same, you’ll thank me later when you see the views 

Not YouTube, they memories I lost 

Ever since I said take care, I been so far gone

I just want more life but if you’re reading this it’s too late.

send a care package for all the dogs telling the certified lover boy..

it’s her loss 

but at what cost?

A broken heart and sex addiction?

A lifetime tryna catch them old feelings?

A lost soul that ain’t tryna read scriptures?

What?

​

He might look dead but the spirits still in him

Whole time he was lost he was out chasing feelings 

Instead of healing 

It wasn’t til he went to therapy 

he started questioning 

all his thoughts and all his motives 

Now it’s time to let go and

Let God

Change all them lies in your head 

Saying “you’re better off dead”

Your life’s only hard 

Cause it’s God’s way to make you strong

Who told you that you don’t belong?

Come here,

Let me show you that they wrong

This is GODS WAY of reaching out to you through a song 

He’ll never leave you stranded in the middle of a storm

And even when it’s calm,

Keep praying 

Satan only stays hidden for a while like an

Assassin waiting for a chance take you out

Tears falling as I’m writing this 

Cause I wish I had this song when i fighting this

I’m holding back tears as give my wife a kiss

She’s so strong but it breaks my heart knowing I’m a reason she had to be

While I sit with this Mary tree 

Sometimes I wonder why she married me 

God take away the pain I’m carrying 

I’m tired of this life