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Join the Shelter
I want to form a community where we can all be ourselves, make some friends, share some music, get closer to God and have an overall good time! Be one of the firsts to join and help me curate the community we all been yearning for.
Just click that lil login bar below
The playlists I promised
Don't worry, I didn't forget about my non Spotify friends! Right above both playlists I left buttons to Apple Music, YouTube and Tidal. If I'm missing your favorite streaming service email me and I'll get you right.
The songs I cried to
I went through a time where I was depressed and couldn't figure out why.
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It felt like overwhelming waves of emotions were consistently rolling in...There was no "eye of the storm". I was either overly sensitive & easily aggravated or ugly crying wondering why I was still alive. I remember being in the passenger seat while my wife was driving us to a family event silently crying. She happened to look over and see the tears and my response to "OMG baby what's wrong? Are you ok?' was a subtle head shake, a voice cracking "I don't know" followed by ugly crying...snot bubbles and all. To make it worse, I had to go to this event I didn't want to go to anymore with a smile, pretending nothings wrong.
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All I remember thinkin during my worst moments was how much I hurt my wife when I cheated on her, how hurtful my words were towards her and my mom, how I was NEVER around for my friends, sisters, nephews and cousins...how I was actively ruining EVERY relationship i had. My only conclusion was I deserved to die, that was the only escape from the pain I felt and the only escape from the pain I felt and the only cure for the pain I caused. I couldn't see how Jesus could look at me, nevermind use me...yet, here we are.
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Most of the songs in this playlist were playing in the background during these times
The songs that helped me...
In between the bouts with depression and suicidal thoughts, I self medicated to numb myself from the pain in search of happiness.
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In the JR Interlude on WHATUPRG's Raul album he says, "I have these really high ups, and really low downs"...That resonated with me on so many levels.
When I was happy and feeling good, NOTHING could kill the vibes. These songs help me ride the highs (pun intended...a lot of weed smoke was blown with these in the background. hypocrite much?) Even though I was highly intoxicated God gave me hope and helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was my "break from reality".
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Even though I was usually drunk or high, my worship was REAL. My faith that God will pull me from the pit I was in...was REAL.
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Everytime I hear these songs I can't help but smile because it reminds me of how God sustained me while I was walking through my own mess. I KNEW I was wrong, but I also knew God would use everything for SOMETHING (Romans 8:28). I knew he was working on me even when I was working against him. He used these highs to remind me of his love and that he was waiting for me with open arms. All I had to do was repent (turn away) from the things that were keeping me in bondage. I had to learn to love myself for who I was instead of putting on a mask to get everyone else to "love" me.
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As I write this I've been smoke-free since 2/16/24. I didn't think that God could take the urge and the appetite for it until it happened....more on that later.
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Enjoy the playlist full of songs that helped me...
...find happiness
...forget my problems
...remember who my savior is
...get through